When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
