Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
