I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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