Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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