Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
