Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
