I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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