Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
porn star boner night. come get it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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