He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
