Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
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I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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