whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
