Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
