So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
