Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
