Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
