I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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