Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
