Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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