I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Randomize
