He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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