I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize