the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
