I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
