this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
