Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
