Jerry, you need to find god
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She bit a glass in half.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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