im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
