My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
