I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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