I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
