How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
