remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize