I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize