I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
