A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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