I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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