yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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