You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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