i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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