Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
