so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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