I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
