We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
