I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
