You just made me feel so damn special
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
