You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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