he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
