so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
