So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
