There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize