I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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