i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
