no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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