great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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