So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
