I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
