Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
