i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
