You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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